The Ethel-or-Fozzie Rule, applied to the top 200 bands of 1980s
--
I have a rule that states that in rock music, there are Ethel Merman singers or Fozzie Bear singers. This rule applies only to singers with careers that begin after April 1970, the month the Beatles broke up. I call it The Ethel-or-Fozzie Rule.
In this rule, I attempt to demonstrate divide in singers among showtune histrionics (Ethel) and holier-than-thou groans (Fozzie). To skeptics, I refer to the episode of The Muppet Show, in which Merman sings a medley with the Muppet troupe, among them Fozzie.
The first Ethel Merman Band, formed in April 1970, is Queen.
What follows is a list of the top bands/artists of the 1980s, according to this random site, along with my E-or-F ruling. Bands or artists whose careers begin before April 1970 are ruled as NA, or Not Applicable.
Let’s get started.
1. Michael Jackson with the Jackson 5 is Ethel; solo Michael Jackson is Fozzie
2. Prince: Ethel
3. Madonna: Fozzie
4. U2: Ethel
5. Bruce Springsteen: Ethel
6. Run-D.M.C.: Run is Ethel; DMC is Fozzie
Run is Ethel; DMC is Fozzie
7. Van Halen: Ethel
8. Public Enemy: Chuck D is Fozzie; Flava Flav is Ethel
9. Billy Joel N/A
10. The Police: Ethel
11. Phil Collins: Fozzie
12. Guns N’ Roses: Ethel
13. Def Leppard: Fozzie
14. Janet Jackson: Fozzie
15. George Michael/Wham: Ethel
16. Whitney Houston: Ethel
17. Metallica: Ethel
Rush is perhaps the most Ethel band of all time. Or maybe it’s Iron Maiden.
18. N.W.A.: Eazy E is Ethel; Ice Cube is Fozzie
19. Dire Straits: Fozzie
20. AC/DC: Bon Scott was Fozzie; Brian Johnson is Fozzie
21. Rush is perhaps the most Ethel band of all time
22. Iron Maiden: Wait–maybe this is the most Ethel band
23. Judas Priest: NA — formed in 1969
24. Lionel Richie: Fozzie
25. Bon Jovi: Ethel
26. Talking Heads: Fozzie
27. Genesis: NA formed in 1967
28. R.E.M.: Fozzie (IRS years); Ethel (Warner Bros. years)
29. Duran Duran: Fozzie
30. Mötley Crüe: Ethel
31. The Cure: Fozzie
32. Journey: Ethel with Steve Perry
33. John Mellencamp: Fozzie
34. Grandmaster Flash & The Furious Five: Fozzie
35. REO Speedwagon: Ethel
36. Kool and the Gang: NA formed in 1964
37. L.L. Cool J: Fozzie
38. Tina Turner: NA
39. Queen: The first Ethel band
40. Beastie Boys: Ethel (Ad Rock, Mike D), Fozzie (MCA)
41. Ozzy Osbourne: Solo years are definitely Ethel
42. The Smiths: Ethel
43. Huey Lewis and the News: Fozzie
Ozzy Osbourne’s solo years are definitely Ethel.
44. Bryan Adams: Fozzie
45. Hall & Oates: NA formed c. 1969
46. Pat Benatar: Ethel
47. Eric B. & Rakim: Fozzie
48. Billy Idol: Ethel
49. Peter Gabriel: Solo years Ethel
50. INXS: Fozzie
51. Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers: Ethel
52. Stevie Ray Vaughan & Double Trouble: Fozzie
53. Eurythmics: Fozzie
54. The Cars: Ric Ocasek is Fozzie; Ben Orr is Ethel
55. Aerosmith: NA
56. ZZ Top: NA
57. The Rolling Stones: NA
58. Heart: NA
59. David Bowie: NA
60. Elton John: NA
61. Rod Stewart: NA
62. Foreigner: NA
63. Stevie Wonder: NA
64. Toto: David Paitch is Fozzie; Bobby Kimball is Ethel
65. Bob Seger: NA
66. The Pointer Sisters: NA
67. DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince: Fozzie
68. Salt-N-Pepa Salt is Ethel; Pepa is Fozzie
69. Fleetwood Mac: NA
70. The Go-Go’s: Fozzie
71. Paul McCartney: NA
72. Pet Shop Boys: Fozzie
73. Don Henley: Solo Don is Fozzie
74. Paul Simon: NA
75. Tracy Chapman: Fozzie
76. Cyndi Lauper: Fozzie
77. Depeche Mode: Ethel
78. Sonic Youth: Fozzie
79. Pete Townshend: NA
80. Culture Club: Ethel
81. Gloria Estefan & Miami Sound Machine: Fozzie
82. De La Soul: All-Fozzie
83. Luther Vandross: NA
84. Chicago: NA
85. The Bangles: Fozzie
86. Thompson Twins: Fozzie
87. Yes: NA
88. Men at Work: Ethel (Colin Hay solo is Fozzie)
89. Pixies: Frank Black is Ethel; Kim Deal is Fozzie
90. Pink Floyd: NA
91. Robert Palmer: Fozzie
92. Kenny Loggins: NA
93. Whitesnake: Ethel
94. Sade: Fozzie
95. Steve Winwood: Solo work is Ethel
96. Billy Ocean: Fozzie
97. Tears for Fears: Ethel (both Curt and Roland)
98. Bobby Brown: Fozzie
99. Scorpions: NA
100. Simply Red: Ethel
101. B-52’s: Cindy Wilson and Kate Pierson are Fozzie; Fred Schneider is Ethel
102. Boston: NA
103. Rick James: NA
104. Joan Jett: NA
105. Stevie Nicks: NA
106. Berlin: Fozzie
107. Sting: Solo sting is Ethel
108. New Order: Ethel
109. Poison: Ethel
110. The Pretenders: Fozzie
111. Quiet Riot: Ethel
112. Ratt: Fozzie
113. The Clash: Joe Strummer is Fozzie; Mick Jones is Ethel
114. The Stone Roses: Fozzie
115. Squeeze: Ethel
116. Styx: NA
117. Frankie Goes to Hollywood: Ethel
118. New Edition: Michael Bivins is Ethel; the rest are Fozzies
119. Stray Cats: Fozzie
120. Paula Abdul: Fozzie
121. The Human League: Philip Oakley is Ethel; Joanne Catherall and Susan Ann Sulley are Ethel
122. Violent Femmes: Ethel
123. Elvis Costello: Ethel
124. A-Ha: Fozzie
125. Blondie: Ethel
126. Anita Baker: Fozzie
127. Milli Vanilli (i.e., the people who sing as Milli Vanilli): Fozzie
128. Sheena Easton: Ethel
129. Loverboy: Ethel
130. Asia: Fozzie
131. Skid Row: Fozzie
132. Tiffany: Fozzie
133. Debbie Gibson: Ethel
134. Crosby Stills Nash (& Young): NA
135. Madness: Fozzie
136. Aretha Franklin: NA
137. Afrika Bambaataa: Fozzie
138. UB 40: Fozzie
139. Patti LaBelle: NA
140. Tone-Loc: Fozzie
141. Falco: Fozzie
In KISS, Gene Simmons is the Fozzie and Paul Stanley the Ethel.
142. Simple Minds: Ethel
143. Earth Wind & Fire: NA
144. Kiss: Gene Simmons is Fozzie; Paul Stanley is Ethel
145. The Jam: Fozzie
146. Marvin Gaye: NA
147. Bananarama: Fozzie
148. New Kids on the Block: All Fozzies
149. Billy Squier: Ethel
150. Slayer: Fozzie
151. Adam Ant: Fozzie
152. Spandau Ballet: Ethel
153. Dokken: Ethel (post-George Lynch exit Fozzie)
154. The Jesus and Mary Chain: Fozzie
155. ABC: Ethel
156. Cinderella: Fozzie
157. Bonnie Raitt: Ethel
158. 10,000 Maniacs: Ethel
159. Accept: Fozzie
160. Eric Clapton: Fozzie
161. Kool Moe Dee: Ethel
162. The Cult: Fozzie
163. The Fixx: Fozzie
164. Air Supply: Ethel (both the tall one and the short one)
165. Richard Marx: Ethel
166. Bruce Hornsby & the Range: Fozzie
167. Starship: Ethel
168. The Replacements: Fozzie
169. Fine Young Cannibals: Fozzie
170. Mr. Mister: Ethel
171. Boogie Down Productions: Fozzie
172. Irene Cara: Ethel
173. David Lee Roth: Solo DLR is Fozzie
174. Twisted Sister: Ethel
175. Corey Hart: Ethel
176. Doug E. Fresh: Fozzie
177. Laura Branigan: Ethel
178. Dio: Ethel
179. Europe: Ethel
180. A Flock of Seagulls: Fozzie
181. Eddy Grant: Ethel
182. Husker Du: Bob Mould is Ethel; Grant Hart is Fozzie
183. Black Flag: Fozzie
184. Dead Kennedys: Ethel
185. George Thorogood: Fozzie
186. John Lennon: Ethel
187. Terence Trent D’arby: Ethel
188. Red Hot Chili Peppers: Fozzie
189. Rick Springfield: Fozzie
190. Paul Young: Fozzie
191. Black Sabbath: NA
192. Howard Jones: Fozzie
193. Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark: Ethel
194. Level 42: Fozzie
195. John Farnham: Ethel
196. Tom Waits: Fozzie
197. Mike Oldfield: NA
198. Chris De Burgh: Ethel
199. Alan Parsons Project: Fozzie
200. Ministry: Fozzie
